


Just give me a reason.

by AmberEyedLover



Series: Music Drabbles [7]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fights, Hidden Secrets, Illness, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, P!nk - jst give a reason, Song fic, What Was I Thinking?, coming clean, i actually cried while writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 22:00:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberEyedLover/pseuds/AmberEyedLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He felt the lips that kissed his every morning move along his shoulder slowly as he squeezed his eyes shut, the whispered words of love and comfort floating to his ears pained him more as he held on tighter, the hope that he could open his eyes and that it would all be a dream.<br/>But there sat on the floor was two sets of clothes, soaked through from the rain as they sat together in a bath his love ran, the weight of his body against his back, the warmth of his breath against his skin brought tears to his eyes again as his body shook and he was held tighter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just give me a reason.

Broken glass layed shattered around their feet, as one heaved with heavy breaths and tear stained cheeks. The house around them stood silent, almost as if the walls itself was watching, waiting for their next moves. With a shaking hand the smaller of the two points at the taller, his mouth opening and closing with words unspoken, words which wouldn’t come.

He had been waiting for it, waiting for the truth to be told. He already knew that there was something, the miles of bed sheets which layed between them at night was the ugly truth, the phone calls being kept secret, only being taken once the man stood tall, blue eyes tight with emotion which he tried to hide had left the room.

‘’Give me a reason’’ The words were whispered, throat horse with screams. ‘’just tell me why you thought it was a good idea.’’  
‘’I didn’t want to hurt you’’ The other would whisper, voice on the verge of breaking, but the man was too stubborn for that as he dropped his eyes away from the blond stood in front of him. ‘’I thought if I pushed you away it wouldn’t matter’’  
‘’wouldn’t…wouldn’t matter?’’ He half yelled again as tears came back to his eyes and slowly followed the stained path down over his cheeks. The taste was salty where it curled against the edge of his lips before dripping down over his jaw to fall in to the unknown.

Broken glass crunched under shoes as he turned and walked away from the man he loved, the scars already on his heart were being torn open again and it hurt. He hated feeling weak but he couldn’t find the strength to be strong at the moment, he needed to be alone yet surrounded by people to stop him from falling to the depths of his mind.

He wanted to fight, and hit until his hands hurt and bled, he wanted to scream and yell until he lost his voice, cry until there was nothing left to cry and his ducts turned to rust. Pushed outside and in to the rain by his own mind, he kept walking in to their garden, feet slipping on the wet grass before long fingers clenched at thin air by his sides.

He wanted everything to be back to normal, back to the month before when there was nothing wrong and they shared a candle lit dinner under the vast sky of bright stars. He felt empty, numb and not from the rain, his heart beated yet he didn’t feel alive.

Arms wrapped around him and he fought, clawed and twisted at them before he was turning to face the other man who looked beautiful in his eyes, the rain stuck hair across his forehead down to the drop of rain running down over his cheek, almost like a tear but he couldn’t hope.  
‘’Come back inside’’ ‘ _Please’_ went unsaid as a hand stretched out.   
‘’You’ll leave me’’ He whispered as the blue eyed man shook his head and stepped closer, both their bodies soaked from the rain as he slipped hands on to the smaller ones arms.  
‘’I’d never leave you’’ He spoke out softly.   
‘’But you already are’’

His walls were crumbling as he looked at him again, his bright blue eyes was now a shade lighter, more sunk back and darkness shadowed them, his skin was paler, more sickly looking as he really looked at the man he loved.  
‘’You’re already leaving’’ He whispered, his eyes stinging as his last wall crumbled and he fell forward with a broken sound leaving his abused throat.  
‘’You’ll learn to love again’’ Was whispered in to his ear as he held tighter, wet fabric biting in to the grooves of his fingers as he shook his head and pulled away to look at him.  
‘’I don’t want to love anyone else but you’’ He spoke out above the rain.

With gentle hands he was lead back in to the house and up the stairs where he was guided in to the bathroom and stood in the middle of the tiled room alone as the other quickly walked out again, only to return moments later with dry clothes, folded and neatly placed near the sinks. He let his mind take him away to happier places, back to memories and laughter in the sun before he was snapping back as the sounds of gushing water had him turning to look at the bath which was being filled.

He let himself be undressed, let himself be guided in to the tub where he sat shivering in the hot water, his heart beating numbly along to the _drip-drip-drip_ of the tap. He heard the movement of wet clothes falling to the ground before the water moving again as he climbed in behind him. He let the arms he loved wrap around him tightly as he was pulled back against a chest he had mapped out plenty of times, every freckle memorized and stored away from their lazy mornings in bed.

Numb he held on to hands which was beautiful, which brought art to life with single brush strokes, he followed the faint line of a scar with his thumb, across the palm where he had surprised the other and he had cut himself while opening a box when they first moved in.  
He wanted to say so many things at once, words he had tucked away in his mind but his tongue refused to let him as he opened his mouth again for it just to close in the silence.

He felt the lips that kissed his every morning move along his shoulder slowly as he squeezed his eyes shut, the whispered words of love and comfort floating to his ears pained him more as he held on tighter, the hope that he could open his eyes and that it would all be a dream.  
But there sat on the floor was two sets of clothes, soaked through from the rain as they sat together in a bath his love ran, the weight of his body against his back, the warmth of his breath against his skin brought tears to his eyes again as his body shook and he was held tighter.

Later that night they would lay together in bed, limbs entwined and fingers clutching tightly, they would stare in to each other’s eyes, more tears would fall as he speaks about the illness which plagues through his body, the illness he had kept hidden for such a long time before it was too late and it came to light. He would talk about how much he loved him and how much he didn’t want to tell him because he couldn’t bear to see the person he loved, the person he swore his life too in words and golden bands, suffer with the weight of his illness on his shoulders. He would explain how much it meant to him with every smile he had, how it was saved to special places in the back of his mind and how they would make him feel like he was truly alive.

Later that night he would whisper the things he wanted for when the time came, he would tell him where he kept everything and the numbers to the bank account he had opened to put the money in to. He would tell him about the first time he had ever laid his blue eyes on him and how he told himself right there and then that day that he would marry the brown eyed boy one day and that they would lead a wonderful life.

And he would lay there and listen as the blue eyed man spoke, the emotions in his eyes as he watched with hawk eyes at every blink and every curve of his mouth as he smiled and whispered in hushed tones. And when the night was at the fullest, they would both move closer and hold each other, they would make love and pretend that the other wasn’t feeling the same numb feeling and then when the night was over and the brown eyed man was fast asleep, the taller would press a kiss to his silent lips and sneak out of their bedroom and walk down to the lounge where he would finally let his emotions go, weak from trying to act strong for the love of his life.

And upstairs, the brown eyed man would hug the covers closer and let silent tears fall as he pretends not to hear the broken sounds of a man no longer there.


End file.
